Monthly Archives: March 2012

Achieving Work-Life Balance

Posted by Teena Evert on March 29, 2012 None comments

Achieve a Harmonious Balance

For a growing segment of the business community, achieving a harmonious balance between work and life has become a key factor in achieving peak performance.

Work-life balance is vital for two reasons. Number one: it’s good business. Smart business people understand that encouraging work-life balance actually improves the flow of commerce by boosting workers’ creativity and productivity, and strengthening their loyalty to their employer. Number two: it’s good for your health. Work-related stress has become a leading contributor to a myriad of physical health problems — ranging from high blood pressure to auto-immune disorders — to say nothing of its toll on relationships and people’s emotional health. By keeping your stress levels to a minimum and prioritizing self-care, a balanced life may be the single most important lifestyle change you can make in achieving improved health.

But old habits remain hard to break. Many people readily agree that they need a healthy balance between their work and personal lives but struggle to actually achieve it. That’s because they first need to understand the root causes of their work-life imbalance before they can even begin to address it.

What is Work-Life Balance?
Work-life balance is when your mental, emotional and physical resources (including your time) are equal to the demands placed upon you, both personal goals and obligations stemming from the responsibilities you owe yourself, your family, and your community.

Think of it as an equation:
Mental resources + emotional resources + physical resources (including your time) = achieving your personal goals + fulfilling your responsibilities

The Root Causes of Work-Life Imbalance
Most people who suffer from work-life imbalance tend to assume the problem is one of time. They often lament, “If only there were more hours in the day!” But while we don’t have control over the passage of time, we do have control over what we do during it. If you feel that you don’t have enough time to achieve your goals and fulfill your responsibilities, then you may need to find additional resources to deal with them. More realistically, you probably need to reassess the goals and responsibilities you currently have.

Many people who struggle with striking a proper balance between work and life have a classic “Type-A” personality. Hard-driving “workaholics,” these individuals tie their sense of self-worth to money, power, and status, neglecting other equally important aspects of life, such as family and self-care. In most cases, they suffer from low self-esteem, believing they must rack up accomplishments in order to prove their value to themselves and the rest of the world.

Another category of people who suffer from work-life imbalance are people-pleasers/overachievers. Desperate for approval from employers, co-workers, friends, and family, they set unrealistic goals and expectations of themselves in a quest for external validation. Overachieving, which shouldn’t be confused with mature goal-setting (something that’s not only healthy, but also crucial for optimal health), is typically symptomatic of low self-esteem and anxiety.

More generally, people who have difficulty achieving balance fail to understand the necessity of rejuvenation.

Signs Your Life Lacks Balance

  • A short temper: You have difficulty processing feelings of anger and frustration, and frequently lash out at others. You find it hard to empathize.
  • Lack of joy: Everything feels like a chore. In extreme cases of imbalance, you may sink into depression.
  • Fatigue: You lack opportunities to rest and rejuvenate.
  • Constant worrying: Even when you’re not busy performing a task, your mind is continually dwelling on it, and what people will think of you if you do it well — or badly.
  • Feeling sick: You find yourself more prone to getting colds, having headaches, and suffering from joint or muscle pains.
  • Boredom: You feel caught up in an endless, all-too-predictable cycle.
  • Lack of control: Your life no longer seems like it’s of your own making. It feels like you’re following a script.
  • Addictive tendencies: You turn to other sources of emotional stimulation, such as food, TV, the Internet, and thrill-seeking, in an effort to reassert control.

Pitfalls to Avoid if You Struggle with Work-Life Balance

  • Excessive multi-tasking: The more tasks you try to do at once, the less well you’ll do on any single one. This includes trying to juggle work tasks when you’re home.
  • Trying to work faster: The way to achieve your goals is through efficient time management, not revving yourself up to work at an unsustainable pace. As a short-term tactic, working faster may produce results. Over the long term, however, it will leave you physically, mentally, and emotionally drained — and far less effective in achieving your ultimate life goals.
  • Making promises you can’t keep: Don’t tell someone at work or at home that you’ll do something if you know you can’t realistically do it. You’ll only end up shortchanging the demands you already have, while simultaneously disappointing the other person.

This information was provided by Mental Health Pros.

Coping With Grief

Posted by Teena Evert on March 6, 2012 None comments

by Batscan

Dealing with Loss

Grief is the normal response of sorrow, emotion, and confusion that comes from losing someone or something important to you. It is a typical reaction to death, divorce, financial hardship, a move away from family and friends, or loss of good health due to illness. It is, in other words, a natural part of life.

What Does Grief Feel Like?
Just after a death or loss, you may feel empty and numb, as if you are in shock. You may notice physical changes such as trembling, nausea, trouble breathing, muscle weakness, dry mouth, or trouble sleeping and eating.

You may become angry — at a situation or a particular person, or just angry in general. Almost everyone who feels grief also experiences guilt. Guilt is often expressed as “I could have, I should have, and I wish I would have” statements.

People in grief may have strange dreams or nightmares, be absentminded, withdraw socially, or lack the desire to return to work. These feelings and behaviors are normal during grief and will eventually pass.

How Long Does Grief Last?
Grief lasts as long as it takes you to accept and learn to live with your loss. For some people, grief lasts a few months. For others, grieving may take years.

The length of time spent grieving is different for each person. There are many reasons for these differences, including personality, health, coping style, culture, family background, and life experiences. The time spent grieving also depends on your relationship with the person or thing lost and how prepared you were for the loss.

How Will I Know When I’m Done Grieving?
Each person who experiences a death or other loss must complete a four-step grieving process:

  1. Accept the loss
  2. Work through and feel the physical and emotional pain of grief
  3. Adjust to living in a world without the person or item lost
  4. Move on with life

The grieving process is over only when a person completes the four steps.

How Does Grief Differ from Depression?
Depression is more than a feeling of grief after losing someone or something you love. Clinical depression is a whole-body disorder, which can take over the way you think and feel. Symptoms of depression include:

  • A sad, anxious, or “empty” mood that won’t go away
  • Loss of interest in what you used to enjoy
  • Low energy, fatigue, feeling “slowed down”
  • Changes in sleep patterns
  • Loss of appetite, weight loss, or weight gain
  • Trouble concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
  • Feeling hopeless or gloomy
  • Feeling guilty, worthless, or helpless
  • Thoughts of death or suicide or a suicide attempt
  • Recurring aches and pains that don’t respond to treatment

If you recently experienced a death or other loss, these feelings may be part of a normal grief reaction. But if these feelings persist with no lifting mood, ask for help.

What Will Help Me Cope with My Grief?

  • Put together a scrapbook of the person you’ve lost.
  • Write a letter of all the things you’d like to share with the person who is gone.
  • Take the letter(s) to the grave site and read them aloud.
  • Begin journaling what your experience has been like.

This information was provided by Mental Health Pros.

ABUSE

Posted by Teena Evert on March 6, 2012 None comments

It Happens Every Nine Seconds

  1. Almost half of all incidents of domestic violence against women are not reported.
  2. Domestic violence and battering is the leading cause of serious injury to women, more common than rape, muggings and car crashes combined. (Stark and Flitcraft, 1985)
  3. Domestic Violence and Battering is more than a bruised face or broken arm. It includes:
    • Physical Abuse — slapping, kicking, choking, spitting, punching, and pinching;
    • Sexual abuse — forced sexual activity, sexual assault, sodomy;
    • Emotional abuse — humiliation, intimidation, name calling, demoralization, playing mind games;
    • Isolation
    • Financial abuse — limiting access to family income or assets, restricting or disrupting employment

Domestic violence victims are more than just statistics. They are your co-workers, neighbors, friends or family. They have names: Alex, Nicole, Miguel, Renee, Tamika, Ryan, Michelle.

Battering is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person with whom an intimate relationship is or has been shared through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence. Battering happens when one person believes they are entitled to control another.

Domestic violence may include not only the intimate partner relationships of spousal, live-in partners, and dating relationships: familial, elder and child abuse may a;ps be present in a violent home. Abuse generally falls into one or more of the following categories – physical battering, sexual assault and emotional or psychological abuse – and generally escalates over a period of time.

Victims of abuse may experience punched walls, control of finances, lying, using children to manipulate a parent’s emotions, intimidation, isolation from family and friends, fear, shame, criticism, cuts, crying and afraid children, broken bones, confusion, forced sexual contact, manipulation, sexist comments, yelling, rages, harassment, neglect, shoving, screaming, jealousy and possessiveness, loss of self-esteem, coercion, slammed doors, abandonment, silent treatment, rape, destruction of personal property, unwanted touching, name calling, strangling, ripping, slapping, biting, kicking, bruises, punching, stalking, scrapes, depression, sabotaging attendance at job or school, brainwashing, violence to pets, pinching, deprivation of physical and economic resources, public humiliation, broken promises, prevention of seeking medical and dental care, ridicule, restraining, self-medication, forced tickling, threats to harm family and friends, threats to take away the children, threats to harm animals, threats of being kicked out, threats of weapons, threats of being killed.

Who is Battered
In all cultures, batterers are most commonly male. Rural and urban women of all religious, ethnic, socio-economic, and educational backgrounds, and of varying ages, physical abilities, and lifestyles can be affected by domestic violence. There is not a typical woman who will be battered: the risk factor is being born female.

Heterosexual males may also be victims of domestic violence as perpetrated by their female partners. They experience the same dynamics of interpersonal violence as female victims, including experiences of disbelief, ridicule and shame that only enhance their silence. However, there are specific cultural groups whose peculiar vulnerabilities may put the members of that population at risk of experiencing violence in their relationships.

Battered immigrant and refugee women have further complications due to issues of gender, race socioeconomic status, immigration status, and language in addition to those complications of intimate partner violence. A battered woman who is not a legal resident or whose immigrant status depends on her partner is isolated by cultural dynamics that may prevent her from leaving her husband, seeking support from local agencies that may not understand her culture, or requesting assistance from an unfamiliar legal system. Some obstacles may include a distrustful attitude toward the legal system, language and cultural barriers, and fear of deportation.

Children witnessing domestic violence and living in an environment where violence occurs may experience some of the same trauma as abused children. Not all children are affected by domestic violence in the same way. Children may become fearful, inhibited, aggressive, antisocial, withdrawn, anxious, depressed, angry, and confused; suffer from disturbed sleep, problems with eating, difficulties at school, and challenges in making friends. Children often feel caught in the middle between their parents and find it difficult to talk to either of them. Adolescents may act out or exhibit risk-taking behaviors such as drug and alcohol use, running away, sexual promiscuity, and criminal behavior. Young men may try to protect their mothers, or they may become abusive to their mothers themselves. Children may be injured if they try to intervene in the violence in their homes.

Individuals with physical, psychiatric, and cognitive disabilities may not only experience sexual and domestic violence at a higher rate from intimate partners or spouses than the mainstream population; unlike the mainstream population, they may also experience mistreatment, abuse, neglect, and exploitation from their caretakers, including personal assistants, paid staff, family members, and parents. Examples can be the denial of medications and personal care, the use of psychotropic medication as a restraint, daily and intimate care mistreatment and neglect, inaccessible organizations and facilities, unavailable or disabling assistive technology devices essential for communication and movement, improper use of restraints, and the denial of life-sustaining medical treatment and therapies. Yet this population gets little attention from the community, the media, or policymakers, allowing the abuse to continue in isolation and apathy.

Older battered women are a nearly invisible yet tragically sizable population and uniquely vulnerable to domestic violence. Older women are more likely to be bound by traditional and cultural ideology that prevents them from leaving an abusive spouse or from seeing themselves as a victim. Older women are very often financially dependent on their abusive spouse and do not have access to the financial resources they need to leave an abusive relationship. Many older women find themselves isolated from their family, friends, and community, due to their spouses’ neglect and abuse. This is especially true because older women experience higher rates of chronic illness, which makes them more dependent upon their spouses or caregivers and more reluctant or unable to report abuse.

Rural battered women face lack of resources, isolation, small-town politics, few if any support agencies, and poor or little transportation and communication systems in addition to the other complications of intimate partner violence, which are intensified by the rural lifestyle. The act of leaving the homeplace, land, and animals that could depend on her may be emotionally wrenching, leaving the battered rural woman surrounded by walls of guilt and self-abasement.

Teen dating violence may be one of the major sources of violence in teen life. Even in the best of circumstances, the passage from childhood to adulthood is often one of awkwardness and unease. When that passage is marked by danger and violence that explodes in relationships, then the journey into adulthood becomes even more overwhelmingly complex. Given that social, cultural, religious, and family messages about intimacy and relationships between teens can be confusing, misleading, nonexistent, or even unhealthy, many teens find themselves unsure of what to expect and how to behave in dating or intimate relationships. Fear, misconceptions, lack of services, low self-esteem, control by the abuser, peer pressure, and concern about family response all combine to keep battered teens trapped in silence and secrecy.

Emotional Abuse Warning Signs

  1. Your partner calls you names.
  2. Your partner yells and curses at you.
  3. Your partner uses pressure (guilt trips, threats, etc.) to force you to make the choices they want you to make.
  4. Your partner orders you around, makes decisions without you, and demands for you do to things their way.
  5. Your partner insults you in front of family and friends.
  6. Your partner talks badly about your family and friends, and makes it hard for you to see them.
  7. Your partner lies to you, cheats on you, and gets jealous for no reason.
  8. Your partner is cold to you. They are not supportive, loving, or respectful.
  9. Your partner refuses to let you work, makes problems for you at work, takes your paycheck, or hides your keys.
  10. Your partner threatens to hurt you and/or themselves if you try to leave the relationship.
  11. Your partner follows you and checks up on you.

Are You Emotionally Abused?

  1. Does your mate ignore your feelings or withhold affection to hurt you?
  2. Does your mate call you names or humiliate you?
  3. Does your mate make decisions for you, tell you what to do, or make you feel guilty when you don’t do what they want?
  4. Does your mate put you down in front of or prevent you from seeing your friends or family?
  5. Does your mate manipulate your feelings, lie to you, or cheat on you?
  6. Does your mate refuse to help you with the children or household duties?
  7. Does your mate become extremely jealous, follow you, or check up on you?
  8. Does your mate blame you for his/her angry outbursts or actions?
  9. Does your mate refuse to let you work, take your money, or hide your keys?
  10. Does your mate threaten to harm themselves if you leave?

(These questions and warnings signs were adapted from “Domestic Violence: The Facts” from Peace at Home.)

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship. To help determine if you are, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline in the U.S. at 1-800-799-SAFE (TDD 1-800-787-3224), a local mental-health professional, or your local domestic abuse coalition today. For a thorough medical evaluation, please consult your professional health-care or mental health provider.